Alice
by melodiousWhims
Summary: A genius little girl named Alice, fights against the troubles of her idiot parents and evil headmistress. Hetalia/Matilda the musical crossover *Warning: This includes 2p!talia and nyo!talia*
1. Chapter 1: Birth Day

1.

Our story begins five years ago at a busy hospital in London. Mrs Kirkland stumbled out of her bed, clad in only a green scrub that barely covered her body due to her bulging stomach.

"Listen, Doctor, _mon cher_. How long will this take?" The woman said placing her hand on the small of her back. "I have a plane that I must catch at three. I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing competition in Paris, you know."

The doctor peered at the woman with a mix of horror and confusion. "You're getting on a plane, Mrs. Kirkland?" He asked.

"Of course I am, Arthur, _amour_! I never miss a competition." The woman blinked and slipped a little closer to the puzzled Englishman. "And this time, I have a secret weapon...Antonio! He's part Spanish. Very supple, incredible upper body strength," she explained, winking.

Arthur led Mrs Kirkland back to her hospital bed, gently pushing her onto it. He then pulled up the uncomfortable chair in that usually resides in the corner and sat in front of her. "Uh, well, Mrs. Kirkland-"

"Please, Francine works just as well, _cher_."

"Ah, right, well we simply need to talk."

"Right. You are completely right, so let's get straight to the issue at hand, what is wrong with me?"

Arthur swallowed. He have her a searching look. "Do you honestly not know?"

Mrs Kirkland shrugged. "Am I bloated?"

Arthur sighed. "Mrs Kirkland...Mrs Kirkland, I want you to think really hard. What do you think would be the cause of...this?"

Mrs Kirkland gasped. An unmistakable look of horror rested itself on her face. "Am...am I…look am I fat?!"

Arthur was lost for words.

"I am! _Mon deui!_"

"Mrs Kirkland...you're pregnant."

The horror still remained on the woman's face. She sucked in a breath. "What?"

"You're going to have a baby!" Arthur exclaimed, hoping maybe that clarification would change her look.

"But I already have a baby," she cried. "I do _not_ want another one! Surely there is something you're able to do, _amour_!"

"You're nine months pregnant," he stated, annoyance in his voice.

"Antibiotics? Oh _mon dieu_, why about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom competition?"

"A baby! Mrs Kirkland, the most incredible gift this world can bestow upon a person," Arthur started. He gripped her hands tightly, "And this has been given to you! Brand new human life, a new being. A person, a wonderful lovely small person who is about to come in your life. A miracle who will bring you love, wonder, and happiness!" He paused, arms held out.

"Oh _merde_," Mrs Kirkland muttered, before putting her face into her hands.

After six hours of painful yells and rude comments, Mrs Francine Kirkland delivered a beautiful baby.

Arthur smiled, rocking the child and as he was about to hand it off. A bright red haired man burst in, a lit cigarette was dangling from his lips.

"Where is he? Where is my son?" He asked with a thick Scottish accent, removing his fedora.

Arthur gaped at the Scot. "Mr Kirkland...are you smoking a cigarette?"

Mr Kirkland plucked the thing from his lips and examined it. "Ah! Of course. I'm sorry, doctor. What was I thinking?" he said with realization. Arthur sighed. At least this man had some signs of intelligence…

"This calls for a proper smoke." Mr Kirkland pulled out a long cigar and picked the baby right up from his wife's hands and held it. "Oh, ugly little thing, ain't he?"

Arthur glared at the man, taking the cigar right from his mouth. "This is possibly the most beautiful child I've had the honor of delivering, sir."

Mr Kirkland smirked and unwrapped the blanket his new born child was swathed in. He gasped. "Gah! Oh my good Lord. Where's his thingie?" he shouted.

Arthur shook his head. "His what?"

"His thingie. His whatchamacallit. His do-dah. His penis! What've you done with his thingie?"

Arthur took the child away and began bouncing it on his hip. "This child does not have a 'thingie'-"

The Scottish man's face paled. "What? A boy…with no thingie?" The man turned to the sweating woman and gripped the edge of her bed. "Look what you've done. The boy's got no thingie."

"Mr Kirkland!" Arthur called out, gripping the other man by his shoulder. "This child…your child is not a boy. _She's_ a beautiful, beautiful little girl," he said fondly.

Mrs Kirkland finally lifted her head up. Arthur turned hoping to God maybe the delusional woman would like to know she would have a daughter. Mother's tended to want girl's more than the fathers.

"Is there still time for the Annual Inter-Championship Amateur…" she asked in a drunken daze before letting her head hit the pillow again.

Mr Kirkland rolled his eyes. "It's all over. Ya missed it," he said, then turned to the doctor a painfully false smile on his lips. "Look, I don't suppose we could…ah exchange it for a boy, could we?" he asked with a chuckle, pulling out a check book. Arthur looked at him with disgust and quickly exited, but not before placing the baby gently into her mother's arms. Mr. Kirkland followed suit in any case.

Mrs Kirkland lifted the little girl up and groaned. "This is the worst day of my life. I should be dancing my heart away with that man of a man Antonio," she said dreamily. "You know, I shouldn't even be dressed in this hideous little hospital cotton holding _you_, _mon cher_. I should be in my beautiful red salsa gown. Dancing the Tarentella." Mrs Kirkland sighed and shifted the child into her arms standing up out of the bed. "But here I am with you. You horrible smelly little 'miracle'."


	2. Chapter 2: Miracle

2.

It was at the first birthday she remembered attending that she realized that something was amiss in her life.

Of course, she had figured as much at her parents reaction to her reading and requesting to often visit the library. They said it was unhealthy and making her stupid. But she hardly minded, they were no more intelligent than her idiot brother Kyle, who could only hop around obnoxiously muttering a few one word phrases.

In any case it was at the first birthday party she attended that one of the children revealed that their parents thought of them as a "miracle".

"My mummy says I'm a miracle," the little girl stated. Alice blinked before a little boy hopped right into the conversation.

"Yeah, well my daddy says I'm his special little guy," he said, grinning ear to ear.

Another little girl who was foolishly dressed in a tutu stood high in her seat. "I am a princess!" she said, giddily, roughly grabbing the pink crown that said "Birthday Girl" off the table and shoving it onto her head.

"Lame! I'm a prince!" said the girl's cousin, yanking the crown from her head and placing it on his. Alice giggled at the foolishness of the young man's appearance.

Another little girl this one with pigtails, coughed and quietly said, "Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky."

The boy with the Birthday Girl crown hopped right up onto the table, the boy who was his daddy's "special little guy" following suit. The two grinned and began a very messy version of a soldier's march. The boy with the crown began chanting: "My daddy says I'm his special little soldier."

The other boy shoved him away and placed his hands on his hips. "Hah! Ain't no one who's as handsome _or_ as strong as me."

The children roared with laughter, except Alice. "You don't look all that strong," she observed. The boy looked at her with confusion.

"Well, what about you?" he asked.

She raised her eyebrow. "What about me?" she repeated.

The birthday girl smiled. "What does your mummy and daddy say about you?"

Alice paused. She could lie. She always does that to the adults, like the librarian. But these were simply five year olds like herself. So the little girl opened her mouth and let out the truth.

"Well, my mummy says I'm a lousy little worm, and no one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me…oh! And kids like me should be against the law. My daddy says that I'm a bore…I should learn to shut my pie-hole and watch more TV."

The kids stared at her with wide mouths. "Uh…" they all said, exchanging glances until one of the girls jumped up and declared she was a ballerina and ran off. The other children followed, all except Alice who slumped over a little.


	3. Chapter 3: Fair

3.

Alice had taught herself to read when she was very young. Simply because her mother wouldn't read her the silly picture books that were mounted on the bookshelf above her bed. Seeing though as Alice was able to do this, she discovered picture books became dull and the same ones even more so. So the little girl made her first trek to the beautiful world of the library. It was a lovely place. It was _her_ lovely place and so Alice wasted no time grabbing all and every kind of book.

The librarian was a joy to be around too. He was a quiet, but fun looking man who wasted no time in finding books for the little girl to read.

Today Alice was on a Shakespeare kick. She had already read and fallen in love with Macbeth and currently in her tiny lap a copy of Romeo and Juliet laid there. Her eyes quickly soaked up each word and the little girl couldn't help but smile as she read.

But seeing as Alice was nothing short of a child prodigy she easily tuned out her father's phone call conversation and the TV's incessant ramblings.

It wasn't until her mother screeched that she even looked up from the book. "Allistor!"

The Scotsman quickly muttered a "Hang on" into the phone and looked at his wife. "What?" he growled.

Mrs. Kirkland clenched her hands and pointed at her daughter. "Look at her. She's reading a book!" the woman began. "That's…not normal for a five-year-old. I think she might be an idiot."

Alice grinned and opened her mouth and began quoting one of her favorite Dickens books, 'A Tale of Two Cities': "Mummy listen to this: 'It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the age of wisdom…'"

Mrs Kirkland screamed again and slumped into one of the recliners.

Mr Kirkland glared at the girl snatching her book away. "Stop scaring your mother with these nasty old things, _boy_."

Alice returned the glare. "I'm a girl!" she snapped, but still ran her fingers through her short pixie cut hair. It did look rather boyish….

She was shaken from her insecure thoughts as her mother continued whining. "And s-she keeps trying to tell me _stories_, Allistor. Stories. Who wants stories? I mean, it's just not right for a girl to be all…'thinking'."

Alice rolled her eyes and snatched the book from her father's hand as he returned to the phone call. The man narrowed his eyes at her as he returned to his phone call. "Listen, how about I call you right back? Thanks, sir." He slammed the phone down and turned to Mrs Kirkland. "Would you please shut up? I am trying to pull off the biggest business deal of my life and you know what I have to listen to? This. It's your fault. You put us into trouble and you expect me to get us out. What am I? A flaming escapologist?" he growled.

The Frenchwoman's eyes widened and then they quickly narrowed. "An escapologist, he says. Big words for you, Allistor, _mon amour_," she growled through gritted teeth. Mr Kirkland backed up a bit from his wife, but she placed her delicate manicured hands carefully on her hips and seemed to intensify her death glare. "I have a whole house to watch over. Dinners do not microwave themselves, you know. If you are an escapologist, I must be an acrobat to balance that lot. The world's most amazing acrobat."

The woman huffed and pursed her lips slightly. "Well. I am off to bleach my roots…and I shan't say a word to you for the rest of the evening, you horrid little ginger."

Alice hid behind her book so her father wouldn't see her grin. As much as she loathed her mother, she could say the funniest things about her father.

As the little girl peered over her book, she watched her father stumble towards her mother grabbing her hand. "Wait! Francine, I'm gonna make us rich!" he announced.

Mrs Kirkland glanced backwards. "Rich? How rich?"

Mr Kirkland smiled and pulled his wife into his arms. "Oh so very rich. Are you aware that Russian businessmen means very, very stupid? Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five knackered old bangers as brand-new luxury cars."

Alice placed her books on her knees and furrowed her brows. "But thats not fair!" she pointed out. Mr and Mrs Kirkland turned to look at her. "The cars will break down. What about the Russians?"

Mr Kirkland released his wife and stepped towards Alice. "'Fair'?" he laughed. "Listen to the boy."

Alice placed her book next to the tiny white stool and stood up, clenching her hands into fists. "I'm a girl!"

"'Fair' does not get you anywhere, you thickheaded twit-brain!" he shouted. Alice attempted to give him the look her mother did, but he only smirked at her. "All I can say is, thank heavens Kyle here inherited his old man's brains, eh, son?"

The young man didn't say a word, he just remained perched on the edge of the couch. His eyes dully reflecting some commercial on the television.

Mrs Kirkland coughed lightly and Mr Kirkland turned at her. He got on his knees and gripped her hand with a smile. "Well?"

She hummed and removed her hand from his. "Well, I shall take your money when you have earned it. And I shall spend that money. But I shan't enjoy it, because of the despicable way you have spoken to me tonight," she said, and turned on her heel.

The red headed man's shoulder slumped just a bit with a sigh. Then his head swiveled in Alice's direction. "You," he snarled.

Alice stood up on her stool and crossed her arms. The grown man took this as a challenge and approached her.

"This is your fault," he barked at her. "With your stupid books and your stupid reading."

Alice looked at him with confusion. "What? But I didn't do anything!" she argued. "That's not right."

The grown man laughed. "'Right'? Get a load of this Kyle. 'Right'? I'll tell you something," he said, his voice was deadly. Alice swallowed and the man lifted her up. She was so small he hardly exerted any effort at holding her at arms length. "You're off to school in a few days time. And you won't be getting of this 'right' stuff there, oh no no no. See, I know your headmistress. A Miss Olivia Krankford."

Alice was set down and she stumbled back down against the wall. That name was basically death or thats what the older kids around town claimed. "Krankford?" she asked quietly. Her father laughed and tightly gripped her arm pulling her towards her bedroom.

"Yessiree! And you know what? I've told her all about you and your smarty-pants ideas." Alice fought as the man pulled and pulled. He finally filed her under his arm. "She's a great, big brute of a woman. Awfully scary. Used to compete in the Olympics." Alice squirmed against him until he tossed her onto her bed. "Threw the hammer, she did."

Alice sat herself up and Mr Kirkland just grinned at her with an delusional madness in his eye. "Just imagine what she is going to do to a horrible, squeaky little goblin like you, boy."

"I'm a girl!" she shouted back.

The man just laughed and slammed her bedroom door behind him as he left. "Go to bed, you nasty little bookworm."

* * *

In case you haven't caught onto our cast yet:

Alice Kirkland (fem! England): Matilda Wormwood

Mr Kirkland (Scotland): Mr Wormwood

Mrs Kirkland (fem! France): Mrs Wormwood

Kyle Kirkland (Australia): Michael Wormwood


	4. Chapter 4: Naughty

4.

Alice tossed and turned in bed that night until finally she sat up, turned on her lamp, and pulled out a journal she had been keeping. She began writing in it when she was two, not too long after she had taught herself how to read. At the very beginning it had her chaotic scrawl of the alphabet, but as she flipped through the pages the writing morphed into legible almost grown up looking print.

She rolled over and shifted through her nightstand drawer. She found a pencil and grinned. This would illustrate her father's punishment against those Russians and his cruel words towards her.

Alice bit her pencil eraser and then began her writing:

"They say that Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. The subsequent fall was inevitable, they never truly stood a chance. They were simply written that way: innocent victims of their story."

She smiled. Excellent opening. It was just vague enough to grab a readers attention. She paused and thought to her current read: Romeo and Juliet.

"Like Romeo and Juliet, 'twas written in the stars before they even met. It was love and fate and let's be honest, a touch of stupidity that would rob them of their hope of living happily. The endings are often a bit gory. Curious, I wonder why they didn't simply change their story. We're told we have to do what we are told, but…sometimes you have to be a little bit naughty."

The little girl slipped out of the bed and crept to her bedroom door. As she gently pulled it open it hardly made a creak. Carefully she tiptoed and muttered delicately under her breath, "You know what, Alice? Just because you find that life's not fair, doesn't mean you just have to grin and bear it."

Alice Kirkland did a flimsy little summersault across the hallway and stuck close against the wall. "If you always take it on the chin and wear it, nothing will change. Even if you're little, you can do a lot," she continued, slipping quickly past her parents bedroom. She caught a glimpse of her lovely mother lying there quite still and quiet. And then the snores of her father shook the room and she scrabbled forward into the bathroom. She shut the door.

With a deep breath she continued her speech to herself while flipping on the lights. "I mustn't let a little thing like 'little' stop me. If you just sit around and let them get on top, you might as well be saying you think that it's okay and that's not right."

Alice opened the cabinets under the sink and began looking at the multiple solutions her parents kept. "And if it's not right, you have to put it right…Ah! There it is," she said and pulled out a tall yellow bottle. She carefully read the label, "Platinum blonde hair dye…Extra strong…Keep out of reach of children. Hmm."

The little girl gave a small chuckle and then travelled back into the depths of the cabinet. She then found a dark purple bottle and held it up. "Oil of Roses hair tonic. For men. Yup that's the stuff," she muttered.

Alice yanked the caps of both of the bottles and lifted her mother's hair dye with a grin. "Just because you are little, you can do a lot," she repeated, she then poured the contents of her mother's dye into her father's solution. "I'm not just going to sit around and let them get on top and boss me around. I may as well just say that its fine they are doing that. And that is absolutely not right. And I'm going to put it right," she told herself and capped the mix of fluids and shook her father's Oil of Roses hair tonic as hard as she could. She proceeded to cap her mother's hair dye and set both back where she found them.

She laughed a little and scurried back to her room. Hopping onto her bed grabbing the pencil and journal. Her small fist began scribbling words onto the cream white pages:

"A mix of some tonics like a witch's brew. I've conducted the first line of defense, the first act of discipline against daddy. Shame on him for thinking he could just bully me. Well, I hardly accept things like that. It would seem there's a tiny revolt beginning. The seed of a war about to bloom. If you, dear reader, are stuck in your tragic tale and you want to get, you have no reason to cry, you don't need to shout…because as I told myself on my perilous journey, 'Just because you find that life's not fair, it doesn't mean you just have to grin and bear it. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, you might as well be saying that you think that it's okay. And that is not right. And if it's not right, you have to put it right.' But nobody else will put it right for you, or me. Nobody, so I'm not going to play damsel. I'm going to change my story and be a little naughty."

Content with her writings Alice slipped the journal back between her mattress and placed her pencil back into her cabinet. "I should probably stop talking to myself," she advised herself and turned off her lamp. "Probably." And with that she slipped into sleep.


	5. Chapter 5: Pink

5.

In the morning, while Alice sat on her usual white stool she heard her father walk into the living room, Kyle following like a little puppy. "Alright son, today…today you are going to become a businessman. You shall start your rigorous training. And what better place to begin than in our own house."

Kyle blinked and repeated the word 'house'. Mr Kirkland waited for more to what Kyle had to say, but nothing more was stated and so he led his son towards the bathroom.

With a mischievous grin, Alice set her library book on her stool and followed them too. It was a safe distance, only close enough to see and hear them.

"In business, son, a man's hair is his greatest asset. Good hair equals a good brain," her father began. She heard Mrs Kirkland snort a little at this comment.

"Listen to mummy, Kyle. Your father's right a man's hair is his greatest asset and the brain thing, but look at him! Red hair, honestly Allistor, follow your own rules before subjecting mummy's little angel to your damaged ideas. Dye it perhaps," she said and stepped out of the bathroom. She only gave Alice a little glance before slipping off into the bedroom.

"That woman. I wonder if the fornicating I'm getting's worth the fornicating I'm getting," he muttered to himself, and then chuckled. "Laugh Kyle it's funny."

All Alice heard was a repeat of the word funny.

"Well, anyway, the secret to my success is this. Oil of Roses hair tonic for men. Keeps my youthful orange hair, bright as the sun! Stand back, son! Your old man is going to work." Alice slipped closer to the bathroom and peered in. She couldn't help but roll her eyes at her fathers idiocy. On his head he had a towel and was massaging but his comments were rather unneeded. With a roll of his hips her father began doing a little jig, moving his rump in all directions and saying things like, "Oh that's it," or "Nng. Ohhhh yeah!" After his little show, he stood up and smiled at Kyle. "That's the bananas right there."

Mr Kirkland ripped the towel off his head and it revealed an almost neon pink hair color. Alice sunk onto the floor, trying to contain her giggles. "Let me tell you something, son. A man in business simply cannot fail to get noticed when he looks…like…this." Alice looked in again and saw her father striking a ridiculous pose. She fell onto her back with her little laughs. Then she contained herself.

"Mummy?" she called out, entering her parents large bedroom.

The room was a nauseating mix of plaid and floral. The curtains being a hideous red plaid pattern, while the pictures were of different types of flowers.

"Yes, _mon amour_," her mother called out. "What could you possibly want? And if it has _anything_ to do with those revolting stories you insist on telling do not even waste a breath."

"It's daddy, he's done something foolish," Alice explained.

Mrs Kirkland sighed and looked at the little girl. "_Cher_, you will quickly learn anything and everything your father does is something foolish," she explained. "But in any case, please allow me to see it. It does give me a good laugh."

And so the two Kirkland ladies walked into the bathroom. Just one look at her husband and Mrs Kirkland let out a scream. "Your hair!" she screeched. "It's…pink!"

Mr Kirkland turned and sighed at her. "Jesus, woman, have you already started? It's not even eight thirty yet!"

Struggling to get herself under control, she picked up her mother's mirror and handed it to Mr Kirkland.

"Oh my good Lord, my hair is pink!" he said dropping the mirror.

"I know I told you to dye it _mon amour_, but I didn't mean…not pink. Why on earth did you turn it pink? Why would you want _pink_ hair," Mrs Kirkland said with a groan.

"I _don't _want pink hair! I didn't do anything!" he explained, gripping the pink hair tightly.

Alice cleared her throat and the two adults looked at her. "Maybe you used some of mummy's peroxide by mistake," she offered, dully. _Or maybe you got what you deserve_, she thought.

Mrs Kirkland pulled on Mr Kirkland's hair and nodded. "That is exactly what you have done. Oh, you stupid man."

Mr Kirkland moaned and yanked on his hair, as if doing that would remove the new color. "Oh my hair!" he cried, taking a seat on the toilet. "My lovely red hair!"

Alice gently patted his knee, when suddenly he jumped up pushing her right on her tush. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at him.

"I have my deal today. Oh Lord, I've got to meet with the Russians," he whispered, a look of fright passed over his eyes like he had seen death. "W-what am I gonna do?"

Alice grinned and stood up. "Daddy?" she said, innocently. "I know. I know what you can do."

Never in her life has Alice seen her father move so quickly to talk to her then he did just then. "What? What is it? What can I do?" He asked, gripping his daughter's shoulders tightly.

"You can pretend…you're a pixie!" she said.

Mr Kirkland stood right up with an affirmative nod. "Yes! Of course! I can pretend I'm a…What are you talking about? Idiot." He sneered. He shoved past her and quickly whispered (quite loudly), "The boy's a looney."

"I'm a girl!" she shouted, but he was long gone.

Mrs Kirkland brushed past Alice clicking her tongue. Alice perched herself on the toilet, watching her mother brush her hair.

"Mummy?"

Mrs Kirkland rolled her eyes. "_Oui_, my little troll," she said, pinning her hair into a lose bun.

Alice looked away for a second, before gathering her courage. "Mummy, would you like to hear a story?" she asked quietly.

Mrs Kirkland let out a sound of disgust. "Oh please, don't be disgusting!" Mrs Kirkland turned and herded her daughter out. "Go on, get out. Creep on off to that filthy library of yours or something. Please, you're causing me to get wrinkles." She let out an exasperated sigh. "Jesus, the sooner you are locked up into that school, the better."

Then she slammed the door in Alice's face.


	6. Chapter 6: Alice's Story, Part 1

6.

There was only one place in the whole world where Alice felt happy at, and it was the local library. It was there that she met the best fellow in all of London, a tall pale Canadian man named Mr Matthew. He was a quiet man, but a kind one. He immediately took Alice in and gave her the all the adoration her parents did not. Alice liked him very much. He wasn't loud unless he got excited, and he didn't get excited unless she told her stories.

He loved her stories too and would beg and beg for her to tell him one. So she would comply with a smile.

On the day of the Pink Hair Incident, Alice Kirkland made her trek to the library where Mr Matthew was eagerly awaiting her arrival. As she entered the beautiful building she spotted a woman.

This woman held a multitude of thick novels in her arms and spoke sweetly to the quiet librarian. She was pretty and average. But a good kind of average, the kind that Alice hadn't seen in her house with her gorgeous mother and ginger…or now pink haired father.

Mr Matthew quickly shook Alice from her observations. "Alice!" he said in quiet excitement. The woman began walking off and all Alice could do was stare. "What a pleasure to see you. Here in the library again, are we?"

Alice blinked and turned to the man. "Ah, yes. I mean, my mummy…wanted me to stay at home with her. She hates it when I go out. She misses me so very much. Oh and daddy too," she said with a dreamy smile. _If only_. "He loves having me around. But I think it's good for grown-ups to have their own space."

Mr Matthew grinned and took Alice's hand. "Your parents must be so proud to have such a clever girl like you. Do you tell them lots of stories, like you do with me. I do really adore your stories, Alice! Not that that's a hint or anything, by the way. Though…if you do happen to have a story…" he started, when the mystery lady caught his attention.

"Good-bye, Matthew. I'll see you next week," she said, with a quite American accent.

"Right! Good-bye Miss Jones. Good luck with Krunk," he said waving at the lady. His eyes gazed off at the woman with the sort of look Alice had seen her father give her mummy after he had a bit too much whiskey.

The woman laughed and wiggled her fingers at him before trekking down the library stairs. Mr Matthew hummed a little and then turned to Alice. "Uh, right. As I was saying, Alice…oh right! I'm really not hinting, but if you did have a story you wanted to…uh share-"

"Who was that?" Alice said, her stare off in the direction of the library front door.

"Amelia? Oh, well you'll know her as Miss Jones. She'll be your teacher," Mr Matthew explained. "She's delightful."

"Miss Jones? She's going to be my-"

"Teacher, yes…now I hate to be pushy or rude, but…are you going to tell a story or not?" he asked, quickly.

Alice took a deep breath and in the loudest whisper she could muster she said, "Once upon a time…"

Mr Matthew smiled and hurried to grab two chairs. One a large wooden chair from the computer desk and a smaller plastic one from the children's section. As Mr Matthew set down the large chair, Alice climbed up onto it. "But…" he began, then shrugged taking a seat in the small plastic one.

"Once upon a time," she began again. "The two greatest circus performers in the world…an escapologist, who could escape from any lock that was ever invented, and an acrobat who was so skilled it seemed as if she could actually fly…fell in love and they got married.

"They performed some of the world's most incredibly feats together. And people would come from everywhere: kings! queens! celebrities!…and astronauts!" she explained. "But not just to see their skill, but also to see their love for each other, which was so deep that it was said that cats would purr as they passed them, and dogs would weep with joy…have you any dolls?" she asked quickly.

Mr Matthew nodded vigorously and pointed to the child's section. Alice quickly found two dolls and even a doll's house. "Perfect," she muttered and pulled it out.

"The couple moved into a beautiful old house at the edge of town, and in the evenings, they would walk and take in the air. And each night, the children of the town would wait in anticipation, hoping for a glimpse of the shiny white scarf that the beautiful acrobat always wore, for they know they would only have to cry out, 'Tricks! Tricks!' and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for these children." Alice lifted the dolls and gave a messy example of the tricks.

"But," she said lowering the dolls. Mr Matthew looked at her. "Although the two loved each other deeply, and although they were famous and loved throughout the world, they were sad.

"'We have everything that the world has to offer,' the wife said. 'But we do not have the one thing in world we want most.'

"'We do not have a child.'

"The escapologist would reply, 'Patience, my love. Time is on our side. Even Father Time adores us.'"

Matilda lowered her head. "But, time is the one thing that no one has power over. And as time passed, they grew older, and they still remained without a child. At night, they would listen to the silence of their big, empty house, and they would imagine how beautiful it would be if it was filled with the sound of a child playing."

Mr Matthew fiddled with his jacket, staring intensely at Alice. "Alice, this is terribly sad," he said.

Alice lifted her eyebrows. "Would you like me to stop?"

"Oh! No, don't you dare."

Alice grinned and began again.

"Their sadness began to overwhelm the couple. This sadness began to draw them into ever more dangerous feats, as their work became the only place they could escape…" Alice lifted the dolls over her head. "_The inescapable tragedy of their lives_! And so it was, they decided to perform possibly the most dangerous feat ever known to man.

"'It is called,' said the husband as he announced the event to the world's press, who had gathered to listen with bated breath, 'The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught by the Man Locked in a Cage,' and it is the most dangerous feat ever know to man!'

"'It is our destiny,' said the wife, smiling sadly and slipping her hand into his. 'It is where the loneliness of life has led us.'"

Alice stood high on the chair and held the dolls. Mr Matthew sat on the edge of his seat. After a few moments of silence he asked with quiet eagerness, "Well…what happens?"

Alice crawled off the chair and shrugged. "I don't know…well, not yet, in any case."

As Alice collected her books. Mr Matthew followed her. "What? But I…Isn't there something more? I mean…" He stopped and bit his lip. "I'm sorry, I suppose your mother is waiting for you. Is she here? I would actually love to meet her-"

"Bye, Mr Matthew! See you tomorrow!" Alice said quickly before scampering off.

"Oh uh well, enjoy your first day of school tomorrow!"

* * *

**Cast** (so far)

Alice Kirkland (fem! England): Matilda Wormwood

Mr Kirkland (Scotland): Mr Wormwood

Mrs Kirkland (fem! France): Mrs Wormwood

Kyle Kirkland (Australia): Michael Wormwood

Mr Matthew (Canada): Mrs Phelps (the Librarian)

Miss Amelia Jones (fem! America): Miss Jenny Honey


	7. Chapter 7: The Alphabet

7.

Alice was to attend school at Crunchem Hall, a foul, run-down looking school at the edge of town. The older kids talked about it like it was a prison and if Alice was honest, it certainly looked like one with its menacing cage like gate and large stone walls that easily rose to 10 ft, probably more.

A group of the young student surrounded the gate, Alice remaining a little away from them.

A pudgier looking boy with sandy hair and glasses led the group. "We're fierce soldiers and warriors, we won't let anything ruin anythin' 'bout school," he said heroically.

"It's school, there is nothing scary about that," Alice said.

The boy shrugged. "Maybe school's alright, but the headmistress? Don't mess with Krankford."

Suddenly a chill swept over the huddle of children. One of the girl's screamed and they all turned to see a group of older kids. They looked like they were from a horror movie. The younger kids scampered back, Alice being the only one to hold her ground.

"Sounds like you think you'll be able to survive this mess," one of them moaned. "Just school, you think. But you will soon see, there's no escaping tragedy."

Another of the older students lunged at the gate, which cause screams from the five year olds. The older kids cackled. "We've suffered in this living hell for ages y'know. Model citizens we are."

Alice watched as the older kids clung to the gate. "It's open, why don't you just-"

"You listen here, 'dear'," one of the girls hissed, slamming the gates open. "You'll be punished so severely if you step outta line, you seem like the type too.

The older boys surrounded the young kids, grinning and laughing. One of the girls started to cry.

"Oh look at this. Crying? On your first day," they teased. "Listen, kiddo, Krankford doesn't accept tears. Crying'll make it worse."

Alice frowned. "Quit. Your scaring them," she protested.

The kids just laughed. "You know something, you best be staying out of trouble."

"Why?" she asked and the kids stared at her.

"Why?" they repeated in disbelief. "Did you hear what she said?"

One of the boys stepped real close to her. Too close. If she hadn't been surrounded by these delinquents she'd of punched him for the violation of her space. "Just you wait for phys-ed?"

The younger students couldn't help but ask, "What's phys-ed?"

Alice sighed, "Physical education. It's the first part of the words-"

"It's the Krankford's speciality," the older students explained, and then they lunged.

The children screamed as the older kids picked them up and ran into the school yard. Alice was able to squirm from their grip, but others were not so fortunate. The only ones left were a little girl who had long blond pigtails and glasses and the little soldier boy.

As the older ones grew closer the soldier kid shouted out. "Dad said I'd learn the alphabet! This isn't any _real_ school stuff!"

"He want's the alphabet. You've really gotta learn to listen. Alright guys!"

A piece of chalk was produced by one of the students and the head boy grabbed it. "Watch and listen closely."

"So you think you're **A**-ble, to survive this mess by **B**eing a prince or a princess. You will soon **C** there's no escaping trage**D**y. And **E**ven if you put in heaps of e**F**fort, you're just wasting ener**G**y, cause your life as you know it is ancient **H**istory**.**"

"Some of these are a bit of stretch…" Alice started, but the kids returned to their teachings.

"I have suffered in this **J**ail, I've been trapped inside this **K**age for ages this living **L**. But if I try I can reme**M**ber, back before my life had e**N**ded, before my happy day were **O**ver, before I heard the **P**ealing of the bell."

"These are really starting to push it. Cage isn't even spelled with a-" a hand was slapped over her mouth.

"Like you, I was **Q**-rious, so innocent a**R**e asked a thousand questions, but unle**S**s you want to suffer, listen up and I will **T**each you a thing or two. Yo**U** listen here, my dear, you'll be punished so severely if you step out of line. And if you cry it will be **W**. You should stay out of trouble, and remember to be e**X**tremely carful."

"Wh**Y**?" the soldier kid asked.

"Why? Why! Did you not just hear what we said?" one of the girls screeched.

All the kids surrounded them and began, "Just you wait for phy**Z-ED**!"

And suddenly the torment was finished and the kids dispersed. Alice rolled her eyes. "What is this? A musical?" she muttered to herself and began her journey to her class.


End file.
